I’ve been alcohol free before apart from my two pregnancies. For just over 11 months. That was quite a while back. 2005 (or was it 2006, or 2007)?!
In 2005 my mom came to visit us in from the other side of the world and we travelled to visit a cousin in Belgium. During the travel, seeing my relationship with alcohol, she asked me how i would feel if something happened to me, and my husband would be left to look after the kids. I had two small kids at the time. One 5 the other 3. – wake up.
He would probably have coped like people do when something like that happens. I don’t know how people cope with situations like that – BUT, would he have done it the way that we (I) envisioned their upbringing to be??? Very probably NOT. Would he have coped? I don’t know.
It wasn’t till after returning that I realised i seriously needed to do something about my drinking. If not for me, then for my little kids.
I went to a psychologist for therapy and then we also did partner therapy. She said that I was on the point of a burn-out, that I needed help at home and that we should at least take off one day a month for ourselves, to work on our relationship. She also said that drinking was worse than smoking and that I really needed to consider quitting.
Even though we went for counseling, nothing seemed to change. I totally withdrew from our relationship and felt more and more isolated. Apart from emotional isolation, we were living on a smallholding away from the village where the children went to school and kindergarten. So, geographically isolated too. Working fulltime, juggling work and picking up children at different times, with no support at home – physically, mentally and emotionally drained.
I don’t recall exactly how where or when, but I stopped. I still drank AF beer, and ate a fair amount of chocolate – probably to cope with the lack of empty sugar that i had been consuming by drinking regular beer or wine.
I don’t remember exactly the reason I started again – but I was over 11 months sober.
more – another post..